Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Case of the Tuesdays


"Oh!  You're still working??!"

That is invariably the response I receive when I mention work in any conversation.  When I confirm that yes, I am still working, the conversant (also invariably) does a 180 and catalogues the merits of continuing to work. 

No hard feelings - I totally get it. Truth be told, I would probably be equally as incredulous if the roles were reversed.  What I usually share is that it wasn't a decision I ever actually made. 

It wasn't a decision I made because we were down at Duke on our whirlwind trip up until Wednesday, September 12th. I was scheduled to go back from maternity leave on Tuesday, September 18th. Around the 16th it was kind of like oh, Tuesday is the 18th - I go back to work that day. 

So I did.


no work post would be complete without an LIRR reference

I have been incredibly fortunate with the flexibility my company has offered me. I went part-time last June (as part of the negotiation to have a third child) and with Quinn's swallowing issues - which we originally assumed she'd grow out of - they agreed to let me work from home two days while Quinn was with a nanny and in the office one day - Tuesday - while she was with one of our moms. 

The plan was to work until I couldn't any longer, based on Quinn's condition. 

Plans 

I find it both cute and insane that I am still naive enough to 'make plans'.

That plan was shot the morning I read - on the train into the city - about Jacob Brooks beginning hospice care. I cried my eyes out the entire walk uptown to my office and made a decision that I just needed to be home.

these three are reason enough to make the change

The decision part was pretty easy given Quinn's diagnosis but oh wow, has it been ever difficult to execute. 

I like to work. I enjoy it and I like to think I'm fairly good at what I do. I also find that, under normal circumstances, I'm a better mom for working.

But these are not normal circumstances and I am no longer better for working. Instead I long to be with Quinn to capture the moments of clarity she still has rather than feeling like I am only her end-of-life caretaker.  And because of the new laws, I am fortunate enough to be able to do so since Quinn, despite her pre-existing condition, can switch health insurances.

It is not without its sadness though.  I cleaned out my desk today since I have only one day left in the office and it really hit me how much I am going to miss it. The people, the productiveness, the distraction it has provided during this whole ordeal. 

my view in the morning (that's the MetLife building)
I start work at 6:30am so I get to see the 'night' skyline

my other window - that white patch is the Rockefeller Center skating rink
(those dots are people skating haha)

I've been asked what I plan to do ... You know, later.

I am hereby dispensing of plans for the time being, other than planning to enjoy every possible second I can with Miss Q. 

I'm finally learning.

7 comments:

  1. Wow, Eileen - what a full spectrum of emotion for you to deal with. I am so thankful too, for the new laws. I have a very dear friend whose 20-something daughter now is able to get health insurance for the first time in her life - just one example of how life changing that is for so many. I understand exactly what you are saying about being a better mom when you work - I always felt that I was, too. But you are so right - these are not normal times and it is so wonderful that you are able to spend this time with your beautiful babies. And Miss Q has earrings!!!! :) xoxoxo

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    1. Thank you Cathy. I always look forward to your comments :). Great, isn't it, that children are no longer denied a basic need, and that adults will be there soon as well?

      And yes - Q got her ears pierced the day before Thanksgiving. Someone gives a girl diamonds, it's a bit difficult to say no ;). She'll get those in before Christmas.

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  2. wow, Eileen. what a post. I was captivated by your thoughts and choices and understood each one completely. I know you will never regret being home with Quinn and Reid and Colin, but I also understand what you gave up and the love in why you did it. You are an amazing and loving mama, your children are so lucky to have you. Now if only Starbucks delivered to your house:)
    love, Chelsea

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  3. LOVE the new family picture! Just beautiful!

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  4. I love your sense of humor, your attitude toward life and difficult situation. But what I love most is you guys(so far) don't blog words like- everything is in god's hands, heaven awaits for our sick kids, praise the lord for time we had with her,etc, all this religious bs. You guys are amazing!!!

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  5. You guys voted for Obama. Me too. Also wanted to say Queen is cutest Lil girl, I was staring at her pic with real joy, the one from previous blogs, with her mom.

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